Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
