Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
