Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
