Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
zippers are such a cool invention
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
