Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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