in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
