Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
only you would photoshop your dick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
