I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you had me at cake vodka
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize