Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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