actually, I'm a sock model
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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