Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
