hotel room ftw
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
