I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
