Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
