ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
