i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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