I just pynch a tree in the face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
