it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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