The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
