Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
