Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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