man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
