I wish they made helmets for livers.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
