Your face is a jimmy john
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
