Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
