Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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