Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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