Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
