i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
