the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
