I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize