they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
