I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
