First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
