Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
