i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
