in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
