he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize