I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
