I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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