Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
