this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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