Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
