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• (905): View more from Toronto

  Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so glad i pay social security

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  he seemed brazillian..

  (312): View more from Illinois

  fuck.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???

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• (914): View more from New York

  That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."

  (845): View more from New York

  Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?

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• (640): View more from

  I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven

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