I'm so fucking centered right now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
