He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
