the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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