its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
