You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
