I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
