We need to rekindle our bromance
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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