weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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