You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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