It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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