it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was like eating out sand paper
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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