I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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