He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
