How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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