i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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