Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
