By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
