her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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