I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bring me that man meat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
