I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
