Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
