Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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