so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't turn off my feet"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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