Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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