Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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